carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Randomize
