you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
