My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
organizing the empties. That sober.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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