I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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