It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
