it's too hot outside to masturbate.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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