Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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