Sry I called you an 8
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
