I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I have feelings that need drinking.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
