My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I want to be your penis for a week.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
