I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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