I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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