Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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