Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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