Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
