Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
