I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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