I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
