You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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