You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
