I'm eating all of the evidence.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
