Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
