He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
