i just wanna soil my oats bro
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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