Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Randomize
