Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize