so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
