he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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