And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
