The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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