Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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