Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
did i just pee glitter
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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