I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
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