So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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