dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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