you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
