Your face is a jimmy john
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
