whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
