Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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