I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
