do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
