YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
