someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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