I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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