He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
