I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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