I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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