Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
