GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize