Just took my morning after pill in the library
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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