Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
