she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
