is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
