So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
OPIZZABONMYDICK
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
