She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
