woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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