I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize