He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize