Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
