I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
