you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize