All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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