I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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