so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
