You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
