Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
