literally had 100 drinks last night.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
